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In the time left... - Through her eyes.. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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In the time left... [Aug. 28th, 2003|03:22 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |weird science]

So many things occupy my mind. I can't seem to get my head on straight. I just don't know what to do. And I can't even begin to explain all the obstacles in my way. I make a decision and then it gets run down. I don't know what I want. I don't want to be tied down. I want my life to be okay. Not perfect even, I just want to be happy. Damn my stubbornness. As selfish as things turn out...I just want to be happy and I deserve a whole hell of alot better than I have been treated in the past. So we've all made our share of mistakes. So what am I supposed to do? I can't just sit around and let life just pass me by as if it were nothing. I don't think I even know what I'm talking about. I want to live my life to the fullest. Am I ready for such seriousness. I'm young and smart and decent looking. I have a job, I have my pets, I have a family that I love unconditionally. But I want more, but then again I don't. Things can be so damn complicated. I have no clue what I want. Just being happy, and not have ppl pushing me this way or pulling me that way. Why won't the world let me make my own decisions...all of my own decisions. And when I make the decision it won't be criticized, or nagged or looked down upon, because it's what I want. I hate hurting people more than anything. But I need time just to be a teenager and live as if every single day were my last. I don't want to have any regrets or what if's. I want everyone to repect my decisions and love me for me. PLEASE! I'm on my knees trying to get my head straight. I've cried enough tears, I've lost enough sleep, I'm done with faking a smile, I'm done with thinking of how everyone else's feelings are more important than mine. I know I'm being selfish!! I know I'm overreacting but I'M SICK OF IT! I want to just be me, and be accepted by everyone....