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Never stop... [Mar. 30th, 2004|10:26 pm]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]
[music |sevenmarythree-cumbersome]

Just write...

write until your fingers ache
write until you can't see straight
write until you can't possibly write any more...

So much to say, so much has gone by...

I worked today...only 2 hours
I fought w/ my mom
I talked with my dad...which i never really do, but it was about digital photography and a bunch of other technical ish

I just wanna write but I'm not sure what about





Love...I found a love stronger that I could ever hope for. He worries too much, thinks so deep, and never lets me go. His name is Matt. Finally my mom let the two of us see each other after so long. I've been trying to see him for the past 10 or so months (or we've had secret crushes for 2 years). Finally we're accepted. We can be together, no more sneaking around. He's such an incredible person on the inside and out. We physically have nothing in common but mentally he's everything I've ever wanted because we agree on so many things and have so much in common. We come from different worlds and managed to find one another. In such a short time we've been through so much together and I've grown over time to love and respect him for all that he is. He doesn't get jealous easily and has a good head on his shoulders. He loves animals and isn't one to judge. He's always been there for me when I needed. We have spent this past spring break together and he even spent the night a few times. I've seen him in almost every mood he has to show. He gave me one of the greatest gifts you can give, and I didn't even know it till much later. He's tall, dark, and handsome; but that's what only meets the eye. He's talented and has so much potential in life. His passion lies in drums&music , family (including his close friends who he considers family), and animals. He appreciates all the little things, and never fails to make me smile. He always says he can't stay mad at me and compliments me every chance he gets. When you look into his eyes there's always a look that makes him so mysterious and makes me wanna know more about him...I think I know almost everything about him and where he comes from and how he feels or reacts to things. He always looks out for other ppl. There's never a dull moment between us, and I never get sick of him. There's always that one thing he does though that drives me up the wall. But the BEST part of all...he loves me for me. I never had to put on an act...like most ppl do the first few months of a relationship. Not once. I didn't think I could love someone this much. It actually hurts to see him go...

It's now 12 o'clock exactly...thus I depart to a sea of books...
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It's been all too long... [Jan. 19th, 2004|03:48 pm]
[mood |giddygiddy]
[music |Angela playing the guitar w/ her friend]

So many things have happened to me I can't even begin to say how scrambled my emotions are. Is it possible to love more than one person as a, well you know. What if two men put together = out to be the perfect guy?? What am I saying...

Life has been pretty hectic, pretty fun, and pretty stressful.

Lets get ready to "ramble??"

Well I never get to see my baby cause I'm either working, I have a soccer game, I have to clean, I have homework, or the obvious. He's so lovestruck it almost drives me crazy, but makes me happy at the same time. I keep meeting so many new ppl it's great. I just met this guy Lance from districts, hott!! Then I met tony who's absolutely a doll. Then I met ken, he's such a sweetie, and we have the exact same taste in movies and music.

Angela had her 18th b-day. She had 2 parties, nothing too big but non the less fun. I realized my cousins are worse than I am doing drugs, alcohol and a bunch of other shit getting them in trouble. They're all younger than me too. One of them is doing beans, and coke...etc. I found out 2 are bi. I found out Angela and Kourt are going together.

I've smoked out alot lately. It's been fun...omg I snuck out one night and Brian took me to St. Pete and everyone at the house was passed the fuck out. It was like 3am when I got there. If they weren't passed out they were soaking wet and naked screaming omg "you are so adorable!" to me. It was so funny. I only had a few beers but that was it cause I had school in an hour. They had all been partying since like noon. We just chilled, and had a good time.

I have so much to say but I gotta go. Till next time...
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It's all so amusing don'tcha think? [Oct. 8th, 2003|11:29 pm]
[mood |tiredtired]

From loving to lieing to kissing to crying.
What is a girl ever to do...
3 loves = 2 heartbreaks = 1 new relationship

Angela+Brian+Andrew= Lala+Fuzzy+Sheety= eight-eighty

I love them to death!

Work was amusing...paycheck was nicer.

I'm one horrible little girl.

I know things will get easier. I wish I wasn't such a hard person to hold on to. I confuse everyone around me; including myself. I need a break from just life in general...even if it is for a day.
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~Yawn~ [Aug. 29th, 2003|07:54 pm]
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[music |boom...boom...]

*Do you like pina coladas...or getting caught in the rain.*

Funny song...always reminds me of The Sweetest thing. I heard it while I was at the store today. I've been driving around all day. I'm going to go to Orlando for like 3 days. Indcluding my friend Amber Q. It's gonna be fun. It'll get my mind off of thing for while. Angela wanted to bring a friend but there was just no room for Brian. Angela's band is playing today at Jason's house. They're call Quarrel's Remedy. They're an awsome alternative rock band. There are only 3 of em' for now. It's Angela, Brian, and Andrew. They're having lots of fun with the whole thing so I'm happy for them. Not the best of influences but what can I say??

Wow I can hear alot of base coming for the center next door. Always partying. *phew* well I'm going now, so peace out.
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In the time left... [Aug. 28th, 2003|03:22 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |weird science]

So many things occupy my mind. I can't seem to get my head on straight. I just don't know what to do. And I can't even begin to explain all the obstacles in my way. I make a decision and then it gets run down. I don't know what I want. I don't want to be tied down. I want my life to be okay. Not perfect even, I just want to be happy. Damn my stubbornness. As selfish as things turn out...I just want to be happy and I deserve a whole hell of alot better than I have been treated in the past. So we've all made our share of mistakes. So what am I supposed to do? I can't just sit around and let life just pass me by as if it were nothing. I don't think I even know what I'm talking about. I want to live my life to the fullest. Am I ready for such seriousness. I'm young and smart and decent looking. I have a job, I have my pets, I have a family that I love unconditionally. But I want more, but then again I don't. Things can be so damn complicated. I have no clue what I want. Just being happy, and not have ppl pushing me this way or pulling me that way. Why won't the world let me make my own decisions...all of my own decisions. And when I make the decision it won't be criticized, or nagged or looked down upon, because it's what I want. I hate hurting people more than anything. But I need time just to be a teenager and live as if every single day were my last. I don't want to have any regrets or what if's. I want everyone to repect my decisions and love me for me. PLEASE! I'm on my knees trying to get my head straight. I've cried enough tears, I've lost enough sleep, I'm done with faking a smile, I'm done with thinking of how everyone else's feelings are more important than mine. I know I'm being selfish!! I know I'm overreacting but I'M SICK OF IT! I want to just be me, and be accepted by everyone....
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Just another one of those days... [Aug. 6th, 2003|08:54 pm]
[mood |annoyedannoyed]

Things are going good. School starts...new job...old friendships revived and many new friendships to come. But something is missing. There's like this little hole inside of me that no one else can see or notice. Maybe it's nothing.

~Love built on beauty, soon as beauty dies..~
Why does just about everything have to be based on looks? Sad how it all works out. If I was ugly would I still have the same friends? Would I have a b/f? Would people treat me the same? Why is it that some guys treat girls as if they were meat? Like they'll be extra nice and sweet at first to get into your pants.
I found out today that my old best friend is engaged. It's funny how things work out. I thought a long time ago that her and my sister were gonna get married. Boy was I wrong.

I just saw Kyel, he decided to drop by after work and bring teddy grams. I love him so much.

Angela and Jessie broke up. It was pretty messed up. Shit gotta go...(yelling in background)
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~Yawn~ [Jul. 31st, 2003|08:33 pm]
[mood |rushedrushed]

Hmm, I didn't feel like going to the beach w Brian, Angela, and Joe aka Jeff...so here I am writing in my lovely journal whom I have been neglecting just a tink...

Anyways, life lately has been going up and down. I'm trying to change my outlooks on some things w/ me and Kyel for example. I guess it's a good thing. I can control my stubborness to an extent now. Atleast I like to think so.

Kyel and I are doing really great right now. Though I never ever see him as much as I would like. He really loves his job, telemarketing. And he wants me to work with him and I said "no". He just doesn't get it. But that's okay. Lately I have been writing in his journal instead of mine. I just love him so much. We've gotten into a few arguements but obviously got through them. That whole grounding thing is what did it though. But that is the past and I'm leaving that behind.

I got a new monitor and gave (had to give) my cute little flat screen to my mom. I love that monitor. The troture!! I could poke it w/ the screen saver I had w/ the fisheys...it was awsome.

I get to go to neilson's on tuesday. The same day that school starts, but I don't mind. I just don't really know what to wear.

This weekend we are supposed to go to universal and islands of adventure but my sis doesn't wanna go and my dad said that he had classes and couldn't go, but i told amber we would and she thinks we're definately going to go, and I did too until a few hours ago....grr, and my mom said we could go stop by cocoa beach and ron jons. I really hope we do.

Today Brian came over and played guitar w/ Angela and we all ate pizza..then jeff cam over and hung out for a bit. It was all amusing. Brian seems like a nice guy, but he always seems to hold back when he smiles. Which can't be good. Jeff is so funny. He is obsessed w/ Betty...his lover/gun. My mom has been to stuborn today. I should have gone to the beach, that way I wouldn't have to listen to my mom bitch for 1/2 an hour and then some. The past two days people have seriously been calling non-STOP!!

This Friday I'm going shopping in the afternoon, and out w/ Kyel and his family at ...shit I gotta go change...bye
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Interesting... [Jul. 22nd, 2003|11:27 pm]
[mood |listlesslistless]

Happy Deathday!
Your name:elledoll02
You will die on:Sunday, August 6, 2023
You will die of:Suicide
Created by Quill

Happy Deathday!
Your name:angelbunny20
You will die on:Tuesday, September 13, 2033
You will die of:Lung Cancer
Created by Quill

Happy Deathday!
Your name:arielle
You will die on:Tuesday, August 16, 2022
You will die of:Heart Disease (Cholesterol)
Created by Quill

Happy Deathday!
Your name:kyel
You will die on:Monday, July 29, 2024
You will die of:Fall from Great Height
Created by Quill
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I'm addicted... [Jun. 26th, 2003|12:48 pm]

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

discover your inner candy heart @ stvlive.com

Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

If i was a serial killer i would be Jack the Ripper.

Jack the Ripper, by far the most notorious killer of all time. What would drive a man to kill 5 prostitutes, surgically mutilate the bodies, then stop, to never be heard from again? Most of the murders were pretty much the same, the victim had her throat cut and her abdomen exposed, the intestines were placed over her right shoulder and sometimes a kidney or even the heart had been removed.

Jack the RIpper's murders are still unsolved.

Kill count: 5

Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now!
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Isn't it strange... [Jun. 26th, 2003|02:10 am]
[mood |numbnumb]
[music |click, click...]

how things seem to turn out? OH well. Lets see what is going on in my seemingly, never to end, strange, sarcastic, and beautiful life. More mall shopping. More pictures and fun. Barbells, shirt, picture holder, ice cream, nighties, thongs, shirt for b/f, and a cute little box w/ a bow? Lovely. 2:15... Not so sure what I'm thinking so I'll just write whatever happens to come to mind. This probably will not make much sense but... Just watched a movie. Based on a true story. Called b/f, too busy to talk to me. Mom sees me, mom yells, then yells some more. Time for bed. Not sleepy anymore. Little kisses. Wondering. Bitch. Go away forever. Congratulations sweetie! "I feel like a woman.." <songs. Love em'! Hate em'! Messy. String. Jerk. Screwed. Candy...powdery. Tears...no. Cry. Money. Happy. Today...exs. 12...11...and counting. Ooo..pretty. Shiney. Yawn, I feel strange. White teefies. Manicured nails. Pedicured toes. Scrunched hair. Tanned skin. Back straight. Make-up. High heels. Stylish. Not happy? I dunno. Relax...relaxing.
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